I wrote this several months ago. I had forgotten it.
I too want Mama
Winter of her life is now
Snow on hair and mind
I see her once or twice a week. I care for her when I see her, but that's almost more for me, as there are others who care for her where she lives. She is in a good place, a safe place. She is being taken care of by people who have a calling to take care of her. But almost every time I leave her I think: should I being doing more?
And then the internal dialogue starts:
"Should I be doing more?"
"But what else could I do?"
"I could go see her every day"
"That would be very difficult, and end up taking 60-90 minutes out of my already over-filled time"
"But I waste so much time... maybe this instead of reading sci-fi at night"
"Would it matter to her?"
"How can I possibly know what matters to her?"
I do not think that I am alone in this dialogue. I would guess that every aging child, every adult child who cares for their parent, whether they have the resources I do, or whether the demented (or not demented) parent is living at home in too-small of a space, has this discussion with themselves. To take on the care of a parent, one must already have made a commitment.