Here are things that I am grateful for, right now, when I didn't get a fundable score:
1. I am old enough not be totally incapacitated for 12 to 48 hours with grief and depression.
2. I am mature enough that I am not going to beat myself up and say that I'm stupid, that I'm incompetent, that my science sucks.
3. I have enough self control not to go out and get 3 gallons of expensive ice cream and eat it over a period of a few hours till I feel even more miserable about myself.
4. Nor am I going to take it out, in one form or another, on my current partner. I am not going to pick a fight, so I that can say that no one cares at all about me. No one in my life right now deserves that.
5. I am not going to blame: the molecular geneticists, Millennials, clinical idiots who don't like animal models, GenX, Sally Rockey, the study section chair, the reviewers, my mother, men, or anyone else. Not because they aren't at fault, but because it doesn't matter. Fault is irrelevant here. Getting funded is the goal.
These are all things I have done in the past.
It will be a while till I get pink sheets (reviews). I will read them. I will be unhappy. I will try & rewrite (as a new grant, of course).
Meanwhile, it's time to trot out ideas for proposals B and C and work on making them presentable, i.e., submittable.
My heart goes out to all the young people who are in the same boat, folks who haven't learned what I've learned about responding to being trashed by study section. Because it hurts a lot to be rejected.
If my thoughts help, great. That's why I write this blog. If they don't, well, my heart is still with you, whether you want it or not.