It's hard for us. It's hard for them. But: no one likes getting old. I'm not talking about embracing the I'm post-menopausal and not afraid of death old. I mean acknowledging that one is frail, and of diminished capacity in one way or another.
So: many elderly probably shouldn't be driving. Their vision is worse, in some cases their sense of space and distance is worse. But we live in a society where for many, if not most, people, not driving is not an option. You can't get a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk, let alone anything else, without getting into a car. Yes, there is uber and lyft and taxis and public transport. But have you tried those for everyday stuff? Not easy. What if you don't have a credit card? or a smart phone? Yes, we are scared to death they will hurt someone. And usually it's a bad car accident that makes them stop.
Many people refuse to plan for, or acknowledge, or really do anything about getting older. They all think: "It won't happen to me". This is part of the driving thing, but also doing laundry if your washer is in the basement. Its getting hearing aids and new glasses. Its figuring out the new interface that the bank, the credit card, the Social Security administration has online. All of this is hard, and its doubly hard if you didn't grow up with the technology or you still don't type (when I was in high school, typing was a girl's class). It's figuring out what to do when you computer isn't talking to the internet and you can't see the hardware.
It's forgetting that you left the kettle on, till it burns through, but you are too embarrassed to tell your kid, the one who lives near by, and its too hard to get to Walmart to buy a new one (because that's all you can afford) so you do without tea or coffee, because it's all so very very hard. But you miss the coffee and wonder how it got so bad.
I used to get so angry with my father who didn't like his hearing aids, and refused to wear them and then couldn't understand a word I said about trying to make his computer talk to the internet (again).
We are angry because they live far away and don't want to leave what little of their life they have left. We are angry because they don't want to move some place where they will be safer, and probably happier. And then they get angry because who are we, their children, to tell them, the parents, how to live? We are angry because we want to help, and they don't want our help. They want to be left alone, thank you very much. And both sides often say: "and if you're going to be that way, just hang up now and stop bothering me".
But we love them, and try to remember how they, as best they could, supported us when we were difficult and unpleasant adolescents. So we call back and try to help, no matter how hard it is. And for those struggling right now, I say: I only wish I could have one more fight with my father or mother.